TO FEAR OR NOT TO FEAR: An affirmation of great importance.

September Eleven

On the morning of November 15, 2013, seconds after leaving a stop sign with every intention of crossing the street before me, I found myself stretched across the front seats of my extended cab, pickemup truck, blood running from my face and neck completely unaware of FEAR.        I had been struck by a speeding taxi cab, the driver of which would soon falsely accuse me of ignoring a stop sign.

My prayer was spontaneous. “Thank you” I said, understanding only that I was alive and that it was inventory time.

I began looking into and around myself, examining inner organs, testing this muscle or that, finally discover something wet, drooling across my right cheek.

“Where’s all the blood coming from?” I asked a man looking in at me from behind. I couldn’t see him but I was aware of his presence. He was looking through the window which only moments before had been morphed into crumbs by my airborne cranium. I took great pleasure in knowing that I was still attached to it.

“The blood is coming from your face and from a cut on your neck and another on your right jaw. Though the cut on your neck came dangerously close to the carotid artery, it appears that you are safe, at least for now. I’m holding a compress on one of the cuts on your face which seems to be the source of most of the blood. I’ll stay here with you until the paramedics arrive.” Later, I asked about the Good Samaritan. Nobody present including the trauma team, had seen him.

I returned to the task of imaging an internal map of guts and (“Gee whiz God, thanks for the memories. What do I do next?”)

Okay, so much for the recap. The experience helped to improve my knowledge and biases about fear. Here is what I discovered:

Fear was not a part of my reality until the paramedics arrived to replace me as the person in charge of Lee Broom.

Fear 1: I was suddenly afraid of becoming disabled; the pain in my back was enormous.

Fear 2: As one whose activities required driving 30,000 mile a year, I feared  the prospect of life without a vehicle, in my case a pickup truck.

Fear 2: As much as I love my children I was suddenly aware that to become dependent on these younger members of my family and their children for my safety and care was terrifying.

Conclusion: When dealing with the problems occurring in real-time, no problem is too big to handle. At these times I am always aware of a Higher Power providing me with a clear mind and a steady hand.

But….

When dealing with the prospect of an unknown future, the smallest imagined problem can quickly become enormous.

So…..

The imagined future is okay for making plans with the understanding that those plans will change or at least become altered in some way. It seems to me that staying in the present is the best choice and that to stay connected with that Higher Power is best done by continually doing the Next Thing and to refrain from questioning the propriety. The “Next Thing” is the Gateway which changes The Future into The Present.

Be Strong or be Fearful but by all means BE.

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