Category Archives: BEANS N RICE

OH SHIT

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Last Monday evening was the first time in forty years of attending a meeting of close friends, a group  that I shall refer to as the Arcadians , that I ever witnessed a member demonstrate a belief that consensus was unnecessary for determining whether a group such as ours lives or dies.

I saw and heard a friend of over thirty years explain to our group of nine that such a small gathering was half the size necessary to officially be a group. I heard him declare that if we were unable to double the size of our attendance by the end of October, he would bring closure to our existence.  His demeanor was that of a Shakespearean martyr.

If this story were turned into a novel a good title might be

“OH SHIT”.

That title is already reserved, however;  I am prepared to publish  a book about our next POTUS. – a short thriller which mentions no names.

Guy Stuff (from January 2015)

Lee in Paradise

Wed night at Miracle Mile I walked in, waved to Bill and John who were already working on Soup and Sandwich. I bypassed the serving line and went straight to the register and asked for apple pie and coffee which are next to the cashier. Since I always have apple pie and coffee and since I had no tray, the cashier already had the pie and coffee waiting for me. I thanked Wendy and moved toward our table.

When I sat down Bill remarked “How did you get through that line so fast?” John said to Bill “He didn’t.” and Bill said as though he just realized what I had done, “Lee Broom, you cut in front of all those people? That’s not nice.” and John laughed, So did Frank, who was arriving when all this rowdy Guy Stuff started, and I said “That’s the difference between Lemmings and Eagles” and Bill said “Huh?” and Frank said “Bill, for crying out loud even I got that one and as the chuckling continued, Bill said “Explain that one to me, I’m a little slow tonight.”

I looked at him for a second to make sure he meant it (which he didn’t) and said “Bill its like this, if a lemming becomes an Eagle you can be sure that more would follow, and soon the sky would be filled with Eagles and the Eagles would be fighting over nesting places and those who were defeated would no longer be flying; they’d be back on the ground, standing in line, their feathers would be moulting and every now and then one of those Eagles would mutter to his or her self, “Aw shit”. And Bill said “Aw shit” and we all laughed.

These are my friends.

They help me to keep my blood pressure down.

 

 

YOU NEVER SAID THAT

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For all of their twenty years of aging together Rupert and Karina have spent most of their time loving each other and less than 1% of this time destroying the joy of the other 99%.

There was a game that began with Karina asking a question followed by Rupert’s impatient reply  that he’d already answered that question; perhaps two or three times.

Karina would then insist that Rupert had done no such thing.

Sometimes Karina would scream this reply and Rupert would respond  a decibel or two higher; usually the first to yell obscenities was Rupert.

Why then, have they done this for twenty years?

Do they hate each other for the wrongs of a parent?

Are they victims of an Alien game being played on a planet in another galaxy?

Or…

Perhaps this horrible game is not so horrible after all; perhaps it is what keeps them together.

Or…

Perhaps they are just very, very lonely.

I wonder what Rupert meant when he said I’m never again going to sing The Star Spangled Banner; never, never, never.

Such a weird couple.

Guy Stuff

Lee in Paradise

Wed night at Miracle Mile I walked in, waved to Bill and John who were already working on Soup and Sandwich. I bypassed the serving line and went straight to the register and asked for apple pie and coffee which are next to the cashier. Since I always have apple pie and coffee and since I had no tray, the cashier already had the pie and coffee waiting for me. I thanked Wendy and moved toward our table.

When I sat down Bill remarked “How did you get through that line so fast?” John said to Bill “He didn’t.” and Bill said as though he just realized what I had done, “Lee Broom, you cut in front of all those people? That’s not nice.” and John laughed, So did Frank, who was arriving when all this rowdy Guy Stuff started, and I said “That’s the difference between Lemmings and Eagles” and Bill said “Huh?” and Frank said “Bill, for crying out loud even I got that one and as the chuckling continued, Bill said “Explain that one to me, I’m a little slow tonight.”

I looked at him for a second to make sure he meant it (which he didn’t) and said “Bill its like this, if a lemming becomes an Eagle you can be sure that more would follow, and soon the sky would be filled with Eagles and the Eagles would be fighting over nesting places and those who were defeated would no longer be flying; they’d be back on the ground, standing in line, their feathers would be moulting and every now and then one of those Eagles would mutter to his or her self, “Aw shit”. And Bill said “Aw shit” and we all laughed.

These are my friends.

They help me to keep my blood pressure down.

 

 

RULES VS REASON

 

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REPRINT FROM OCTOBER 10, 2011 amorphologyologyism.wordpress.com

 

I spoke on the phone with a friend of mine, Saturday. She complained of a sore knee, the result of a long walk across a soccer field, carrying a chair to a location that promised a good view of her granddaughter who in her mind understandably, was the star of the team. As our conversations of the events of our day were exchanged and as I listened to her complain whenever she changed positions in that big recliner chair, I realized that I had better go fix dinner for her. Had I been a little less pushy about this idea I would have stopped and purchased a foot-long sub and a pint of ice cream

Now, I should report that Betty is the epitome of Ladylike demeanor and rarely even hints at raising her voice unless provoked for more than 27 minutes. I made it to thirty minutes once and barely escaped a virtual beheading.

As I began to work, this 5 foot eleven inch, statuesque, Jehovian work of art grew another four inches and began the journey from chair to kitchen, lending a more obvious definition to the word “Hover”. She did not need to raise her voice; her presence sufficed to make clear the point, that this kitchen was her domain. I wondered as I worked, if I was as possessive of my own kitchen whenever she or others visited my home for dinner. I went to the table to pull a chair to the edge of the kitchen to give her knee a rest as she held court. She refused my help and using the chair as a walker, edged it toward the kitchen, finally resting at a point at least two feet nearer the stove than I had originally visualized.

There were no cross words. It was as though we realized that we were not there specifically to entertain but to respect each other and that the turn of events that made this particular evening necessary was to be remembered as we each did our part to make the occasion a success. .

The moment soon came for me to meet the challenge to hold my tongue. Betty  told me to turn down the heat on the potatoes. Okay. I nodded my head and agreed with my friend that water doesn’t boil any faster at 300 degrees than it does at 212. And, under my breath I grumbled. I couldn’t imagine why she would assume that because water doesn’t boil any faster at 300 degrees, that it also doesn’t cook any faster at higher temps. I am  often of the belief that the only time Betty uses her reasoning abilities is to challenge those faculties in others. And since my friend has heard from me often enough as have all my friends, that “reason must prevail” and since Betty places more value on Rules than on Reason, I kept that last morsel of momentary madness to myself. And I said to myself “blah blah blah blah blah”.  I wonder what she’s been saying to herself. Probably “blah blah blah blah blah”.  For that matter I wonder what she is saying on her own blog. “blah blah blah blah blah”.