Category Archives: Listening

THE IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING

Lee in Paradise

When someone we love (or not) is speaking, are we listening? Or are we half-listening, tuned partially to the recognition of possible keywords while formulating our own.

It’s important.

If a sales person had this very bad habit, that person would soon be out of work.

I have a friend who does this constantly.

She has a friend who has a bad temper. he monitors himself constantly.

Of course the poor listener has no way of knowing that her friend is trying to overcome his lack of patience; she couldn’t possibly hear what is going on in his mind.. She doesn’t even know what comes out of his lips. And when he finally loses his temper, she thinks she is blameless and that he “always” loses his temper.

And they say they love each other.

That’s what they say.

 

 

 

THE GOSSIP ABOUT HEARTACHE HENRY.

lee_broom

PSYCHEDELIC TOAD: I hear you had a quarrel with Heartbreak Henry. Are you guys okay with each other?

SCATMAN SCOTTY: Not really. He doesn’t seem to know what happened.

PSYCHEDELIC TOAD:  So… what happened?

SCATMAN SCOTTY : Well. Dang it; the darn fool screamed at me.

PSYCHEDELIC TOAD: Wow, that must have been kinda scary; Did he hit you?

SCATMAN SCOTTY : No… He just screamed at me like some kinda lunatic. That’s the second time in four years that he’s done that to me. So how is old Cranky Hank anyway.

PSYCHEDELIC TOAD: He says you’re a bully and that you spend a lot of time and energy getting people to do everything your way. He says it is very stressful for him.

SCATMAN SCOTTY : Well Dang it Scotty, why doesn’t he say something.

PSYCHEDELIC TOAD: According to him he did… twice.

SCATMAN SCOTTY : Oh…

Whose Okay? Okey Doaky.

lee_broom

Who’s Okay? Okey Doaky. By Lee Broom.

I share with you my experience, strength and hope.

 

I’m okay –you’re okay.

I’m okay – you’re not okay.

You’re okay – I’m not okay.

I’m not okay – you’re not okay.

Which of the above attitudes applies to the following remarks?

You must learn to accept help from others.

How may I help? Will you help me please?

I need help alright but not from you.

Thank you for offering to help but for the moment I really need to focus, which for me requires solitude.

 

Note: Sometimes we want so badly to help, that when the act itself is not accepted, we may confuse the lack of acceptance of this act to be a rejection of our love and subsequently of ourselves.

If this is not understood by the one offering to help, the lack of acceptance can be misunderstood and can lead to a situation in which the kind act loses its loving ambience and now appears to be threatening. I have in recent weeks been the occupant of both roles. Each time I learned something. Each time the acquired knowledge came after the event. In one case I was offering to help a loved one and was seemingly rebuked. I was hurt and so was the other participant.

In a more recent scenario I was the object of a loving offer of assistance. My need for focus and solitude was great and was mistaken for a challenge to compete. I was too heavily focused on myself to fully explain my need. It went badly. We are both experiencing emotional discomfort.

Fortunately, in both relationships there is far too much love for lasting resentments to persist.