I’m not sure of the year but around 1980; I was emotionally distraught, (About what?) I don’t remember that either, but the rest of this short memoir is very clear.
I was driving past Thomas Mall, my mind on a meeting… I pulled into the mall parking lot and removed my meeting book from my right hip pocket. We didn’t have cell phones then; a few of us had beepers.
Not finding a noon time listing other than Crossroads and it was already past 12:00 pm, I decided to walk it off. Thomas Mall was only a mile from my Arcadia condo and nearly every morning at 5:30 I joined a couple of dozen folks for a fast – clip, one hour walk past Dalton’s and Diamond’s and Hanny’s; this would be great.
I entered. I walked a few steps. I stopped.
There in Dalton’s Book Store window was a display; it was hawking a new Wayne Dyer Book. Dyer, being a favorite author (he still is), I went into the store and walked straight to the back of the room trodding my memorized path to the self-help department. I was vaguely aware of the Dyer display to my left but my easily distracted persona was already focused on an open book in an easel at the rear of the store. I noted the Dyer location and made a mental note to return to that part of the store, once my curious eye had been sated.
As I drew nearer I could read one word near the top of the page on the right hand side of the book: Enthusiasm.
I was curious, yes I was but I was not at all enthusiastic nor did I want to be. I didn’t like being depressed but at least I knew what to expect in such a sad state. Enthusiasm was a word that brought to my mind, silliness, giddiness and for crying out loud, all sorts of behavior for which one should feel embarrassed when calmness returned.
I argued with myself but continued to inch forward.
(I’m not going to remove the book from the easel,) (Oh well..) I reached for another copy, flipped to the correct page and began to read. There were enough definitions for the word Enthusiasm to fill most of the page; the one which caught my attention was “…filled with God”. (Now, why didn’t I think of that?)
I bought the book and at a meeting that night I spoke of my experience and that how even for this very objective agnostic I now had an inkling of an improved view of myself.
The story I thought, was worth sharing.
I’ve been telling it ever since.
Enthusiasm: “…filled with God.”